The MAN CODE on Dating a True Friend's EX

What does the word "friend" mean to you? To me a friend is someone you have great respect for, who also respects you; someone you hold in very high regard/esteem, trustworthy, a supporter, motivator, encourager and someone who doesn't have a problem telling you the truth even if it hurts when necessary. Needless to say, I don't have many people in my life that I would consider to be friends if you use the definition above. Think for a second - How many true friends do you have?......

This brings me to the different categories for which I believe many of us group people we come across:
1. True Friend - see definition above
2. Up and Coming Friend - possesses qualities you look for in a friend but friendship has not yet been tested.
3. Potential Friend - Someone you hold in high regard but deeper questions need to be answered.
4. Acquaintance - This is the group many fall in for most. This is a person you can eat, drink and be merry with but you have no intention of bringing him/her into your "Circle of Trust" for what ever reason....
5. Frienemy - These are people you HAVE to put up with even though you can't stand them - for a peaceful life. Some examples of a frienemy could be: your co-worker, your spouse's true friend, your true friend's spouse, your boss' offspring (if he or she is your age)....and the list goes on and on - you get it right?
6. Enemy - This is a person you exert a lot of negative thoughts and energy on (usually not worth it).

Now that we have the definitions out of the way - let's attack the title of this piece. The MAN CODE on dating a friend's EX. One thing I can tell you is that both men and women agree that men can be dawgs - I can also tell you that even dawgs live within certain rules, or a code if you will.

DAWG RULES
1. Never forcefully take that which should be freely given
2. Never use alcohol as an excuse for your dawgish behavio(u)r
3. Never tell the "hunted" that you are in LOVE for the sole purpose of obtaining access to the treasures
4. NEVER SLEEP WITH A TRUE FRIEND'S WIFE, GIRL FRIEND, or "INTEREST"

By now, you are probably wondering why I have meticulously laid down the definition of the levels of friendship as well as outlined some of the "Dawg Rules." The purpose is simple - giving you the context and framework from which I am thinking, so you can understand my sometimes reckless way of constructing and expressing thoughts....

All of that being said - Let me share my personal thoughts on a TRUE FRIEND and an EX. NEVER SHOULD THE TWO MEATS MEET! In the words of a good friend of mine who helped me conduct research on this topic "If his (true friend) feelings mean anything at all to you, it just shouldn't happen!" I could not agree more...if someone considers himself a true friend then dates your ex you may want to examine that "True Friendship."

Let me tell you a story about Adam and Larry. These guys are not only true friends, but also business partners. Adam is a bit of a player, but he has a steady girlfriend named Sarah.  Their relationship is incredible because it also includes Larry.  The three make a great team.  Over the course of three years, Larry develops a close relationship with Sarah because of the amount of time spent together.  Meanwhile, Adam is totally oblivious to the fact that his true friend has growing feelings for his girlfriend.   One night, Adam and Larry decide to go a party and at the party, Adam sees a cute girl and gets her number.  Larry, seeing this as his opportunity, tells Sarah that Adam has been unfaithful.

This continues over the course of about six  months, until finally Sarah starts to believe what Larry is saying about Adam. This in turn causes Sarah to start arguing with Adam, unbeknownst to him that its all because of Larry.   To make a long story short, Sarah dumps Adam and begins a relationship with Larry.  Needless to say, the friendship is over, the business dissolved and everyone involved is overwhelmed with a strong feeling of discomfort. 

First off, I must ask, what do you think about Larry?  And do you think that the relationship between Larry and Sarah will last?  What do you think will happen to Adam with respect to his future relationships? Please post comments, I really want to hear your thoughts.

Remember that I mentioned "never shall the two meats meet?" Well I thought of two exceptions to the rule. Some of you may not agree but - What about the case where your TRUE FRIEND  has died and you provide solace and comfort to the spouse which leads to a relationship? Does the MAN CODE hold if the friend is no longer around? What if instead of being dead he has moved thousands of miles away never to return....is it okay then?

I also think that if the relationship between the girl and the TRUE FRIEND was short lived AND enough time has passed it may be okay - IF AND ONLY IF you approach the friend and get clearance on whether "hunting" his EX is permissible. This situation could be a bit touchy (even if you get the blessing) so if you plan to proceed, go in with good intentions for the relationship and try to avoid uncomfortable situations where your friend would be present. I would only recommend this if you are very SERIOUS about the prospects of the relationship potentially blossoming with your friends EX. Outside of which - it is not worth losing a friend over...

These are the instances I think one may have a special pass for dating a TRUE FRIEND'S EX. Outside of which - you need to assess your relationship, if you haven't already. What are your thoughts?

That being said - an important rule I didn't mention about DAWGS - If the "friend" in question is not considered a "TRUE FRIEND" - the gloves are off with respects to hunting his girl....I don't make the rules - don't kill the messenger. Until next time - Happy hunting!