CAUGHT WITH MY PANTS DOWN!!!

A few weeks ago at my job in Boca Raton, Florida, there happened to be quite a bit of construction going on so we had almost double the usual amount of people in and around the office. Aside from the unusually high splattering of people moving about - It was a quite a typical day. People were on the phones, checking email, in meetings, copying, faxing, printing and doing all the other things we all wonder how we make money from.

At about 10:30 a.m. I needed a bit of a pick me up, so I went to the office cafeteria and made myself a cup of my favorite hot chocolate. On returning to my desk and motioning to get into my chair - the left hand rest caught my pant pocket and ripped the seam from my belt to my knee. THIS WAS A PROBLEM! Why? Because I had a BIG meeting with my boss' boss in 30 minutes and my house is 30 minutes away....OK, calm down, we will get through this (my brain trying to calm me down). I took a glimpse down to assess the damage - It's bad, really bad - like I can see both my underwear and socks kind of bad!

After 5 minutes of trying to control my cold sweat outbreak, fidgeting, and flatulence (my standard WTF reaction to these types of situations) I finally started to calm down and think straight. I know! My office cohort and lunch partner in crime - Mini -  is ALWAYS prepared for situations like these. I run over to her office just next to mine to explain my situation while holding my pants together......after about 5 minutes of rolling on the floor and dying with laughter - she finally says, no problem I have just the thing! Low and behold - Mini - has a state of the art sewing kit in her drawer....Perfect! Except for the fact that I have never sewn anything before in my life. Mini gives me a a quick lesson in sewing because for me to perform the task at hand - I would have to remove my pants - and by her words "THERE IS NO WAY YOU ARE TAKING OFF YOUR PANTS IN MY OFFICE!" Understood - After the quick lesson and getting that blasted thread through the cursed needle - I was armed and now ready to perform surgery on my pants.

I took a look down the hall - there were a few people lingering around - but if I created a quick distraction and did a shimmy shake step or two, I would be able to get to the restroom on the other side of the building to begin the delicate procedure. I swiftly sped through the hall like a man on a mission - someone looked my way and I pointed to the right - as he looked right I ran left and in an all out sprint got to the other side of the building.

I see the restroom door - hopefully it's empty -I kicked the door open, the sensor for the  lights were triggered and YES! The restroom is in fact empty. Now inside the restroom and safe from ridicule and total humiliation - I head to the largest stall which was furthest away from the entrance of the restroom. I get into the stall, close the door, proceed to take off my pants and meticulously start to sew my pants applying all the knowledge Mini bestowed upon me after laughing me to shame. My hands were steady, and I seemed to be following her instructions to the "T".....Things were going well, my pants were almost repaired and I still had 12 minutes to go before my meeting....Life was good!

That is until the timer for the lights triggered by the sensor went off. So picture this....I am sitting on a toilet in my underwear, my pants in my right hand, needle and thread in my left hand (I'm a lefty) and now in total darkness.....What a scene, especially since it happened at work! Anyway after two minutes of my standard WTF reaction, I now have ten minutes to finish my mission and get my fully clad ass into my 11 o'clock meeting!

At this point I had two options:

Option 1 - Sit on the toilet in the dark in my underwear with my pants and needle in hand and wait until someone else comes in and triggers the sensor for the light or.....

Option 2 - Walk towards the sensor on the other side of the room in my underwear with my pants and needle in hand...

Now I don't know about you - but these aren't the kinds of decisions I like to be faced with on my job. Anyway, with 10 minutes to "game time" I had to be proactive, so I chose option 2. I had to think long and hard about the worst case scenario in this situation....at this point I am really not concerned about who sees me in my underwear if they burst through the door - I just want to put an end to this nightmare.

So I open the stall door and head towards the sensor by the entrance of the restroom - as luck would have it - at about the half way point into my journey - three of the construction workers burst into the rest room and caught me with my pants down. I wish I could have taken a picture. Their eyes were as big as bowling balls and their mouths were on the ground in shock - There was an awkward silence and stillness for about 10 seconds (longest of my life) and one of the men simply said - "We'll come back some other time!"......They then ran out of the restroom!

Now I am not sure what shocked them more - The fact that there was a half naked man standing in an office restroom looking at them - or  - the fact that I wasn't shocked about them seeing a half naked man standing in an office restroom. All I know is that the look on their faces was absolutely priceless and I still laugh about it in my quiet times.

I was able to complete my mission and get to my meeting in time. I must say - I did a pretty good job for my first time on the surgery to my pants...no one noticed the ordeal I had gone through and the rest of the day was incident free. At the end of the day - Mini came to my office and said smilingly, "So how did everything turn out with the pants," my response was - "It's a long story."