Ladies and Gentlemen – before I delve into this age old topic/question – I first need to ask – What is your definition of a 50-50 relationship? To some it means simply meeting half way with everything from bills to output in the bedroom - To others it may mean being responsible for 50% of all the shared financial expenses – And in some cases it may be a matter of one person bringing in the finances and security (usually the male) while the other person is cooking dinner, tending to the house and/or children and providing a nurturing /inviting home (usually the female).
All of that being said – how does one truly measure if he or she is in a 50-50 relationship? Does it even exist in present time? Did it ever? One could argue that no matter how much you try – male or female – someone in the relationship is always giving or doing more. One could also argue that even though someone does less (on a point by point basis) in the grand scheme of things – his/her contribution is “more crucial” to the couple on a whole.
I personally don’t feel the 50-50 relationship exists. Whereas I am extremely happy to be in the situation I am in (happy wife-happy life) sometimes I wonder why people even go through all the trouble of getting into relationships. Does the fact that society looks down on you if you are a 40 year old woman who has never been married or had kids play a part? What about the creepy 50 year old perpetual bachelor who has reached the pinnacle of his womanizing career with several kids and a slew of “baby mommaz” to show for it? This is not looked upon a favorable behavior in most circles. But why?
Now I have never claimed to be the most religious man out there – but did God just program us in such a way that we feel the need to be with someone after the passage of "X" amount of time (for everyone it's different)? Even if we know that person is not the right one for us – we are just too afraid to go through life “alone” and end up just settling (even if we tell ourselves we didn't or aren't going to)? I am by no means suggesting that once you pass a certain age you automatically settle – What I am saying is that after that bell goes off in your head telling you that you need a mate and you need to shack up NOW– the probability that you will settle increases drastically! Can I get an AMEN?!
How many people do you know personally that have been a victim of what I call “Settle Syndrome.” Where he or she is in such a rush to get married, have kids and “build a family” that they end up with someone you would NEVER imagine them with? Now I’m not trying to insinuate that there aren’t couples out there that are completely opposite but perfect for each other…..but rather I am putting all those people who felt the pressure of society on the spot. Are you still happy after choosing your mate based on a clock? Are you still happy after choosing your mate because of peer pressure? Have you made up your mind that you are going to see it through no matter how miserable you are for the sake of the kids? Have you seen an episode of Divorce Court and thought to yourself – wow – that’s going to be me on that stage one day?
I say all of this to bring us back to the point of the 50-50 relationship. My belief is that if you truly love someone and the feeling is reciprocated (very important) – the whole notion of a 50-50 relationship matters less and less. Why? Because with love comes respect (true love) and simply out of respect for the other person you work on ways to balance each other out so as not to make the other person resent you! Additionally, if you truly love someone – you want to make them as happy as you possibly can and your actions perpetuate your feelings. So no matter how much “more” the other person is doing – there comes a time when he/she notices that even though you aren’t able to equalize the pulling of weight – You at least bring what you have to the scale. And for that – the other person is appreciative and doesn’t feel taken advantage of.
Look I am no expert on relationships – but in my 31 years of experience I have taken keen note of what seems to work and what clearly doesn’t. Settling for anything less than love and respect will bite you in the ass and hurt like hell. Taking the time to find the right person and not listening to the clock or the spectators (especially at weddings) will result in you having a happier life. Trust me!
There is no such thing as 50/50, there will always be someone carrying more wait than the other but it is the balance that the other person brings that makes it leveled. I have been in and out of relationships some short some long, but its what the individuals have brought to the table that have symmetry to the relationship. One may like to cook and the other might enjoy balancing the books. Its the diversity that each brings that makes the relationships successful.
ReplyDeleteOn the topic of love and 50/50 I don’t think that’s as important. Love is essential but when thing aren’t going well people tend to forget & fall out of love. I think more than anything else you have to like one another. You might ask why is like more important than love. Simple LOVE is complicated and can get in the way. The “LIKE” factor is more fundamental and essential in making any relationship work. Remember before you fall in love you have to like that person first!
We would all love to believe that the notion is real. I believe that we should all go into a relationship with the idea/concept that we are going to give the relationship everything we have and make compromises as long as it does not compromise who we are. 50/50 it doesn’t exist and if you or anyone you know believes that, call me I have a bridge I can sell you at a 50% discount.
There is no such thing as 50/50 but in a good relationship the weight shifts. Meaning that while I right now might be giving my husband 20%, last month he got 75% and it works both ways. I think alot of people think that relationships are suppose to be the way movies and our environments tell us they should be. Many of my friends would start arguements because a tv show their husbands should be doing A, B and C. I told them they are totally ridiculous and should do what works for them, each relationship is individual to the two of you and what works for me might not work for the next person... So the tides turn and each person ends up giving more sometimes and less sometimes....that is life...
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