My Take on "Friends with Benefits" - PART 2

Last week I let you in on a situation I got myself into in College with a "Recently Acquired Friend with Benefits," and you saw how "great" that turned out! I also promised to give you a story about another similar situation I found myself in - with a "Long Time Friend with Benefits,"  so fasten your seat belt - We are going for a little ride...

In "PART 1" I alluded to the fact that TIME  (5 years or more) invested into a friendship totally changes the dynamics of a - friends with benefits type scenario. Consider this - with time comes more responsibility, more emotion, more feelings, more stress,  more people involved and more far reaching consequences when it's time for the almost inevitable "break up!"

Here is my story on Long Time Friend with Benefits
Story # 2

I knew her ever since I was a teenager in Jamaica. Our parents were very close friends so our paths crossed on a regular basis. We knew each others secrets, we shared many of the same friends and we even slept in the same bed from time to time when our parents went out and left us home alone. Nothing ever happened, never even gave it a thought - in my mind she was just a family friend that happened to be a girl my age. After high school she went away to college abroad and after college got engaged to a fellow she met while in school.

A few years ago, we ended up sitting at the same table at a mutual friend's wedding and it was like old times. She told me about her adventures in school, about her fiancee (who didn't make it to the wedding) and last but not least that she had a crush on me growing up.......Wait, rewind, you did what? This came as a complete shock to me so we spoke a bit more about the feelings she had more than half a decade ago....She then began to tell me how much she loved her husband to be and how much he reminded her of me...(WOW!).

Anyway, after a celebratory night of happiness, dancing and speeches we ended up exchanging phone numbers and promising to stay in touch. It turns out that she was planning to be in Jamaica for a while (3 months) as she was working on a special business project. After a few telephone conversations we decided to go out on the town, we laughed, we cried and we talked about the "good ole dayz." While in the midst of the "outing" (IT WAS NOT A DATE) I noticed we were getting really close and comfortable with each other. I thought nothing of it because she was engaged to be married and she spent half the night talking about how happy she was with him.

This is where things started moving over into that grey area. She told me she had a secret. I braced myself for impact - she quietly shared with me that she wanted to have one "last huraah" before she got married. You know before she closed down shop and gave one man the key to the treasures...I told her I didn't think that was a good idea but she sold me on the fact that she wanted it to be with someone she trusted, someone who understood her, someone who wouldn't become attached and most importantly, someone who wouldn't cause complications.

Sounds like friends with benefits from where I sit - she said "Something like that but it was only a one time deal she proclaimed. After giving it some thought with my other head, I convinced myself that it wasn't such a bad idea - If she didn't choose me it would have been someone else, She just needs to get this out of her system, she just wants to close the chapter once and for all. I was convinced - OK - Let's do it.

We went back to her hotel and she gave me the - "Let me slip into something more comfortable" spiel (she watched way too much tv) - and it was all unraveling like a bad porno equipped with bad acting and even more terrible music (off centered jazz). Now I have always thought she was attractive but a few minutes later she came out in a light blue, mesh halter baby doll get up that made me do just that. She looked like she had graced the covers of the Victoria Secret catalog on at least a few occasions (alcohol talking). I walked over, looked her up and down, then stared in her eyes as she stood by her bedroom door and said - "I am going to rip your clothes off" - and did just that!

It was one of the most wild, outrageous and memorable nights I can remember and we frolicked until the sun came up. I figured that if this was going to be a one time deal - better make it memorable right? And memorable it was! For a few days I didn't get any calls from her, nor did I wonder about it - I was just basking in the great time and assured myself that it would never happen again. One week later, she called me to come back over to her hotel - I didn't hesitate - went over and jumped into round 2. Rounds 3, 4, 5, 6 and 7 ensued over the upcoming weeks until it was time for her to leave Jamaica. Although we agreed that it would have been a one and done kind of a deal, we didn't really have the need to stop until she left and went back to her "REAL LIFE" in the States (at least that is what I told myself to validate my actions). I ended up taking her to the airport and gave her a warm embrace and said "Have a great life, stay in touch!" She said "You do the same!" And just like that she was gone.

About two months later I got a call from my recently married friend, (you know the one in the beginning of the story who invited us to his wedding) who at that time didn't have a clue as to what was going on - no one did for that matter. He said "Did you hear the news about Juju Bee (let's use a random name)?" No what happened? I asked. "She called the wedding off with her fiancee and is planning to move back to Jamaica. Turns out she met someone while she was here and is planning to continue with the relationship. Her parents are devastated and I heard her fiancee is now seeing a psychiatrist because he is literally going insane!"
"PLEASE TELL ME THIS IS A FUCKING JOKE!" I asked. He said "No joke!"

At the end of that conversation I emailed Juju Bee and asked her if the rumors that were being circulated were true - She said yes and that she was already back in Jamaica and wanted to talk to me. I thought to myself this is something that needs to be handled in person - phone or email wasn't going to be the right way to handle this situation at all. We met at a local restaurant later on that evening where she told me what happened when she went back to the States. Apparently, she had been with her fiancee for a few years and the spark was dying, she thought that if she took a break and went back it would have been like brand new again. She was wrong - she told me the simple sight of him disgusted her and he picked up on it before too long. They started fighting - things were said - and they broke up! She told him that she found a man in Jamaica and that she was going to be with him - and this ladies and gentlemen is where I come into the conversation!

"You did what? And you are going to be with who? Now Juju Bee, I realize you put yourself into quite a predicament with your fiancee but how on earth did I become a part of your exit strategy? Me and you - us-  we - that was NEVER a part of the plan. It was supposed to be a one night thing, it turned out to be several but NEVER did we have happily ever after on the table. It wasn't even an option. How can I have our parents know that I am the reason for the demise of your relationship? How do we explain to our friends that this was going on behind their backs all along? How does a relationship flourish based on the type of circumstances in which we started? Our families would be against it, our friends would turn against us and it would not work out in the long run. Why would we put ourselves through that?!"

She didn't like the sound of that at all - tears ran down her eyes and she said "But I love you!" - I responded "Unfortunately, it's a one way street." (I had feelings for Juju Bee but not like that) - She stood up, looked me square in the eyes, nodded her head and walked out of the restaurant. That was the last time I saw Juju Bee. I didn't tell anyone about the situation that is until now....The last I heard - Juju Bee is now married - to the guy she left and has a beautiful baby boy.

I was able to get out of this situation somewhat unscathed, but I have had to carry this story with me bottled up inside for a long time. Being able to let it all out after all these years is very therapeutic for me. Not only because you need to let things like this out so you can deal with the impact it has on your life (because it does impact aspects of your life) but I can also share with you some of the "mistakes" I have made so you don't make the same. Or at least are able to execute better than I did. All in all this Long Time Friend with Benefits ordeal was one I would never repeat but I am glad I had a chance to experience! You may now unbuckle your seat belt and move around the cabin.