The Story of "Carlton" - Why I Stopped Drinking...

MMMMM - Looks good doesn't it? I no longer drink alcohol. Why? I know myself very well and I feel like I have the type of personality that would overindulge if I thought I found a crutch to deal with my problems. Whether it be alcohol or drugs -  call me a square - but I now try to stay away. Try explaining that in a social setting where all people do is drink - it can be tough. Have you ever been to a bar and asked the bar tender (in front of all of your friends) for a cranberry juice on the rocks. Prepare to be laughed to scorn. People are always uncomfortable around someone who doesn't drink and partake the way everyone else is in a group setting. They think you are "overly religious" or a "recovering alcoholic" or just a plain old lame and boring. Not only that - they try to guilt you into partaking or using the occasion as an exception to your rule.  The truth is I don't like the buzz that alcohol gives - especially on the way back down from your high and even worse the morning after. It's a decision I made a few years ago and people always ask why....

Before I jump in - I want you to know that I have no problem with anyone who drinks alcohol (in moderation) because I know that being in a social setting without alcohol is like going to the beach and not having any sand - The two just go hand in hand - I have accepted that and am OK with it. 

I would like to tell you however about the story of Carlton - It makes for good bar conversation and every time I tell it I feel a weight off my chest....So are you ready to hear it? Here we go.....

The Story of  "Carlton"

While in College, I depended on a lot of friends to get through each day. One such friend was Carlton. Carlton was a year ahead of me in school and was kind of like a student mentor. Helping me understand the ropes while guiding me through the do's and don'ts of University. We became extremely good friends - We did a lot together: from partying to road trips to working on business ventures together. Some would say we were best friends...

What went wrong? Well at first I noticed Carlton always had to have a drink in his hand - whether it be playing video games, watching a movie, before a party - basically any time after breakfast was open season for a drink of Appleton Rum (V/X- to be exact). At first I didn't even take notice but when it became apparent was one day we were at a domino table at a mutual friend's house and there was an "illegal" play on the board (someone had played a domino in a place where it didn't belong) - now typically - we would simply start the game over and consider it a mistake but on this occasion Carlton just went fucking crazy. "ARE YOU SAYING THAT I WAS BEING DISHONEST? ARE YOU CALLING ME A LIAR? I AM A LOT OF THINGS BUT I AM NOT A LIAR......he exclaimed at the top of his lungs (no one was even blaming him for the error). Now to give you some context this was a family event with only close friends and family present. There was soft jazz playing in the background and everyone was talking, laughing and having a good time - Then there is this HUGE outburst from someone who is clearly under the influence and we are all uncertain as to how fragile he was mentally. That was the first sign and when I started to take notice of Carlton's drinking habbits.

Now we went to several other places to play dominoes and party after but I noticed one thing was ALWAYS consistent - Carlton was always drunk and acted the fool come closer and closer to the end of the night - from wanting to start an argument for no reason to making passes at married women in front of their husbands (Not a great idea). Of course being his friend I tried to steer him out of trouble and calm down all the husbands he pissed off while inebriated, but after a while - it became a job. I always felt like a babysitter - always had to be making sure this grown man behaved himself in public so he could keep his teeth in his mouth.....It was a chore but based on our friendship I just pressed on and continued to steer him out of bad situations he constantly found himself in....

Now that you have some context - this part of the story is where things start getting tricky. Carlton lived and worked in D.C. while I lived and worked in Philly. A few years ago I was laid off and decided to move to Florida. Before moving to Florida for good - I flew down in an effort to scope the place out as well as to begin to build my network. While there Carlton - who has family in Florida - came down to visit....We linked up - went out somewhere (can't remember where right now but it probably involved drinking) - and had a great time. The next day we were on the road and he was supposed to pick up his girlfriend at the time - who incidentally lived in Florida. They were doing the long distance relationship thing (those don't work by the way - will talk about it in another blog). While on our way to pick her up he told me she would be a good person to know as she would be able to get me in to her company as they were hiring. When she got into the car Carlton told her my situation and she offered to help in any way she could. She gave me her number and email address and I told her I would send her my resume.

A few days later I saw a job post through Career builders for the same company that Carlton's girlfriend worked for - I saw this as the perfect opportunity to get the IN for the job. I sent her my resume by email and cc'd Carlton to remind her who I was in case she forgot. We started communicating via email and she put me on to her H.R. department and things were moving smoothly.


A few days later I got a call from Carlton - "You may not get that job you applied for..." he said. "Why is that?" I asked. "I had a big argument with my girlfriend and that may affect your chances of getting the job," he said. "I don't see how your argument with her would affect my chances but - if you say so, OK - whatever - on to the next one." He then asked if I had been communicating with her via phone - I told him that I haven't had any reason to - just email. He told me that he thought she was being unfaithful to him because of the distance. I told him I was sorry to hear that - He said "Are you sure you aren't talking to her on the phone or seeing her outside of looking for this job?" I said "NO." Now remember - Carlton knew me very well and in College I had a reputation of being somewhat of a womanizer, ladies man, gyaliss - whatever you want to call it - but I NEVER HAD ANY DEALINGS WITH ANY OF MY FRIEND'S GIRLS! NEVER! He knew that so I wasn't sure where he was getting his paranoia from......Then it started to make sense....HE WAS DRUNK.

I can't go into all the details of our conversation but what I can tell you is this - while on the phone with Carlton - he created a story in his mind as to how, when and where his girlfriend and I hooked up and how long our relationship had been going on for. Please remember that I met her once in his presence, and emailed her twice - both times he was cc'd - because I know how insecure he is with women (he always has had trust issues) - So I was very careful when dealing with her. Long story short - things got heated (on his side after he convinced himself that I was fucking his girl) and he asked me to prove that I haven't had any contact with her....I asked him how I would go about doing that outside of telling him I have had no dealings with her outside of her helping me find a job....He said "I can tell through your phone records!" I was like "What?! - You want to look through my phone records?"I said, "We have been friends for all this time and you don't trust me enough to tell you the truth on whether your girlfriend is a whore or not? I have not had contact with her Carlton but I will give you a choice. You believe what I tell you and we act like none of this ever happened OR I allow you to peruse my bill and we end our friendship!"

The next morning Carlton drove from Washington D.C. to Jeffersonville, Pennsylvania eager to go through my bill. He came in - went straight to my computer - and began to search through my cell phone records. There was a lot of tension - He thought I was fucking his girl friend after all - and I was disappointed in his decision because I thought our friendship was strong enough for him to trust me on something like this. I was wrong.

After searching through my records again and again for about an hour - Carlton found no trace of me talking to his girlfriend and started to act like all was well with the world. I asked him to leave - called him on his way  back to D.C. and told him to erase my number and disappear from my life. His last words were "After all the things I have done for you, you are going to make this come between us?" I said "I was thinking the same thing!"

In the end his girl friend left him, and the person who had his back time and time again no longer speaks to him. It was at that point I realized how an unhealthy, abusive relationship with alcohol can really affect your relationships and your life. It was at that point I started to look at my relationship with alcohol - even though I wasn't in an abusive relationship - I looked at the pros and cons and for me - there were a lot more cons. So I just decided to stop drinking.

Now you know the story of Carlton - So the next time you see someone like myself at a bar who is not partaking in the consumption of liquor - they may have their own story to tell....Drink responsibly my friends...