9.11.01 - The Day I "Lost" My Mom

I must confess that I didn't originally plan to write about 9.11.... Why? Well so many people have been talking about the 10th anniversary of one of the worst days of my life - that I was trying to not go back. The truth is, I have been thinking about that day for at least a few weeks now and it brings me to tears every single time I do. This is why....

On September 11th 2001, I was at my regularly scheduled Business Law class at Howard University in Washington D.C.. I loved the class but hated getting up for 8:05 am to make it in time week after week. On that day though something just felt different.When my class was dismissed, I saw a group of students gathered around several televisions on the second floor - crying, screaming, running towards the exit - Hard to explain the feelings or state of confusion at the time. When I got to the TV and asked what was going on - someone told me a commercial plane crashed into the World Trade Center (WTC). At first I thought to myself - wow, how does that even happen? Was the plane malfunctioning? What was the damage?......

Then it dawned on me - My mother was on vacation in New York and was scheduled to take a tour of the WTC to see the view from the roof. My throat went dry, tears filled my eyes - Could it be possible that my mom was on that building? I tried to call the friend she was staying with in New York frantically - all the phone lines were busy - the network was overloaded with people trying to call their loved ones.....At this point I am going crazy not knowing what to do......Before too long while still in Howard's School of Business banded with fellow students - the second plane went into the second building. I run out of the building unable to control my emotions - burst into tears - and continued to try to get through to my mother - to no avail.

While I was outside one of my professors saw my breaking down by the steps outside of the building and said "What's wrong?" I told him my mom was in New York and she was supposed to be going on a tour of the WTC this morning and I can't get through to her....He said to me - "Are you sure she was in the building?" I said I can't confirm or deny - He said in a caring and comforting voice "Don't let negative thoughts overwhelm you, I am sure your mom is safe and you have nothing to worry about - she is probably trying to call you right now...." At the time - those were the perfect words to say - he calmed me down and I went back into the building as we were all still unsure as to what was happening.

A bit later a few students, some professors and staff banded together in the School of Business lounge and started to pray for everyone in New York, and for protection against whatever was happening. Moments later Howard University put out a RED ALERT - A plane had just crashed into the Pentagon which was not too far from where we were - we could see the smoke from the building and chaos ensued. The school was closed down and everyone was asked to evacuate to go somewhere safe. Somewhere safe? Where exactly would that be, I thought? Not wanting to go back to my basement apartment and be alone - I opted to go home with a friend of mine to his family home where his brother, sister and grandmother were already waiting on him to get home....

On the way to his house we saw people running frantically on the streets - people crying and we felt an air of overwhelming uncertainty and confusion with all that was going on. At about 2:00 pm when we arrived at my friends family home - reports were coming in about how widespread the damage in New York was and that there was still a RED ALERT in D.C. because no one knew whether or not attacks were going to continue.

It was a very scary time to say the least - and all this time I still hadn't heard from my mother. Later on that evening my mother called. She sounded like an angel. I have never wanted to hear her voice so much. She was safe - I told her I loved her and that I was safe. She told me she wanted to go on the tour but it was too early and she slept in. That is the only reason she was not in downtown Manhattan when all the tragedy happened. At that moment I whispered to God - THANK YOU - and the tears began to flow.

I thought I had lost my mother - a feeling I have been trying to forget. It's an empty, cold, lonely and horrid feeling. I felt loss, hate, anger and vengeance balled up at once. A place I pray never to go back to - A place I pray no one has to experience emotionally.

Ten years later - I still remember that day like it were yesterday and I am eternally grateful to the BIG GUY upstairs who made my mom sleep in when she should have been on that WTC tour. I know I don't say it much and I know I have a hard time expressing my feeling towards you at times - But I love you mom - and I wouldn't trade you for the world.

What were you doing on that day? What was your experience? If you want to tell....I want to listen.....