Now you may be asking yourself, what happens if someone, after a long period of time, has become a part of my "Circle of Trust" and then violates in some way...what happens to then? It all depends on who it is, what he/she did, and ask the question - Would I have done the same thing, in that same situation? In essence - Does this person deserve to be forgiven? Is it something that can be reversed or at a minimum talked through and a truce be found? All of these factors for me have to be considered. BUT to even have a chance for consideration, you MUST first be on the inside of the "Circle of Trust" in the first place. Otherwise - adiós, lebewohl, sianara, arrivederci, さようなら, farvel, kwaheri and if you haven't figured it out by now - I tell them...GOODBYE!
Am I being too harsh? Do I ask too much of my friends? Does everyone deserve a second chance? Consider a "friend" who sleeps with your wife. Or a "friend" who steals something you deem as priceless? Let me bring it down a notch - What about a friend who always borrows money from you and never pays you back? Or a friend who always puts you down in front of other people?......How many chances do these people deserve? As you can see, it's pretty easy for me to formulate these scenarios, not because they have happened to me necessarily, but I see these things happen over and over again! It's crazy to see some of the things "friends" will do to you.... The funny thing is....we are the ones who give them the access and trust to be around our significant other without even thinking about it, allowing them free reign to be around all of our prize possessions, going into our pockets every time they give us a sob story.....WE GIVE THEM THE OPENING FOR THEM TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF US....right?
Now, consider that all of what I have been saying is true - How does one deal with all of this? I mean it's not like you can get through life without any friends right? Well to be honest with you, I really don't know the answer....but what I do know is this...Harboring negative energy and carrying ill feelings towards people is not good for your health nor your psyche. It's like carrying around a heavy bag at the airport that doesn't even belong to you. Why would you do that to yourself purposely? Like we don't have enough stress paying bills and staying afloat in these tough times....It would be great if we could just let these things go and release all the negative energy we have bottled up and focus purely on the positive energy right? That sounds great and all - but let's face it - We are only human! I don't know about you but for me it doesn't quite work like that!
If I get hurt, I want to hurt back twice as hard! If you steal from me - I want to take your prize possession! If you take my wife - I would want to commit acts that would have me either running from the police or spending a LOT of time contemplating how I could have handled the situation better from behind bars. But is it all worth it in the end? My thought is no - but I haven't quite been able to put forgiving and forgetting into practice for myself. What's wrong with me?
Well hear this! I have made a promise to myself to make a conscious effort to start letting things go. I know it's going to be hard, but it can't possibly be harder than having to remember that you aren't speaking to someone because you have "beef." Or avoiding situations where you may see a person who hurt or violated your friendship in some way. All these things put extra strain and stress on your head and heart....Why do it to yourself? If you struggle with some of the same issues I struggle with in terms of forgiveness, join me in making an effort to learn to forgive and forget. NO ONE IS PERFECT! People will be hurting people in some way, until the end of time....who knows....maybe even beyond that. Let's help each other get over this obstacle. We are only hurting ourselves.
I need the help, let's do this together! And to my loyal readers, I ask you this question....what is it that you do to help you forgive and forget? I need all the tips and tricks I can get in this area. I am literally starting from scratch where this is concerned...But I think it's time for me to grow up and be mature enough to deal with this lacking aspect of my character.....PLEASE HELP! And remember, I love you as much as a printer loves ink! Until next time....Walk good!
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Being able to forgive and forget is a trait that not many have and it can be hard to accomplish. Knowing that it's an issue in which you want to tackle is the first major step in helping to forgive. Not sure there are specific steps to take besides just praying for it and asking for clarity. Try and forgive but never forget!
ReplyDeleteYou are not going to learn to forgive others until you learn to forgive yourself. That's where it starts.
ReplyDeleteTo forgive is to restore the person who offended you to the status he or she was before the egregious episode occurred.
When you have done that then you know you have forgiven. At which point even if you recall the occasion it no longer conjures up hurt and pain and bitterness and embarrassment and makes your heart pound in your chest.
Remember to forgive someone you are not doing them a favor - you are making things right with yourself - it is yourself that you are granting the favor. Take ego out of the way call upon a higher power than yourself if that is needed, ask for Divine assistance and liberate yourself. THE CHAIN OF UNFORGIVENESS IS A BURDENSOME PAIN THAT TIES YOU UP AND PINS YOU DOWN IN A VORTEX of DESCENDING AND NARROWING CIRCLE OF MISERY that leads to total and complete self destruction. Forgive all completely and come enjoy the fruits of life!
Forgiving someone who has done us wrong is never easy, especially those closest to us.
ReplyDeleteC.S. Lewis puts it like this “Forgiving and being forgiven are two names for the same thing. The important thing is that a discord has been resolved.” Resolved does not mean forgotten, neither does not forgetting the wrong that has been done to us, mean ammunition to keep a record of wrongs on the back burner just waiting for the opportunity to bring it to remembrance. By forgiving someone, we bring to ourselves mental healing - ridding self from the damaging effects of anger, bitterness and ongoing negative energy. Forgiveness is not condoning the wrong done to us. It the medicine for a healthy mental, physical and spiritual life.
Things I do to help me forgive:
- I Remember that I'm not perfect and will make mistakes and do wrong and if God above who is perfect is able to forgive me time and time again; I have to make every effort to try and forgive those that have wronged me.
-The gift of reciprocity: I want to be forgiven by others I have wronged so I best forgive those that have wronged me.
-Unforgiveness is like cancer - it's grows through anger, bitterness and hate; spreads from mind to body to soul, shuts down vital building blocks in relationships thought resentment and mistrust and ultimately kills the person (if not physically, for sure mentally). Now, who wants that?!
-Pray.Without.Ceasing: Trust that God knows us better than we know ourselves and the very hurt that we think we can't get over, can't move pass, can't forgive...Pray that God will give us the will to do it.
-Just do it: Forgiveness is an act. We have to consciously make every effort to - no matter how we feel - to rise above out emotions and forgive.
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Oh...BTW.......Love this!:
"THE CHAIN OF UNFORGIVENESS IS A BURDENSOME PAIN THAT TIES YOU UP AND PINS YOU DOWN IN A VORTEX of DESCENDING AND NARROWING CIRCLE OF MISERY" B O Dawkins
Sound practical and well reasoned - Sanya you demonstrate a deep understanding of the topic.
Delete@ BOD and Sanya - Thanks for your input....now if I can just move forward move from theory to practical application all will be well...hmmmmmm
ReplyDeleteSanya well said! I think we have another writer and contributor?
ReplyDelete@ Mr BOD - Experience teacheth knowledge :)
ReplyDelete@ Dizzle - It's a work in progress for all of us. But work at it we must :)
@ Chris - Put in a good word wid Dizzle fi mi nuh ;) ...LOL
@Me :-)
ReplyDelete@you :-0
JK
To me, it's all about things sitting well in my heart. I have faded out friends for a lot of personal reasons, even those who borrow money and have not paid it back. It tells me how much our friendship was worth in actual $ amount. Sad, but it's really the principle, not the price right?
I have been blessed with many close friends and have many friends I have not spoken to in years but once we get in touch with each other, it's as if we never skipped a beat.
@ KD- I have a formula: Example:- I have 1,000 friends minutes(1,000FM). If I have 20 friends (20f) then I have 1000FM/20f = 50FM per friend. If I lose one then it rolls over to become 1000FM/19f= 52.63FM per friend.....lol. In other words, I spend more quality time with those left in the circle, making it stronger and drawing those friends even closer. There is a little math to the table.
I am a new reader to your Blog and found your article on Forgiveness very touching yet compelling to write a response. We have to learn to forgive ourselves first before we start to forgive others. Once we deal with our forgiveness of self the glass clears and we can focus on others. However, to come to that realization we have to take it to the one who stitch us together in our mothers womb and He through His Only Son Jesus Christ can lead us to forgiving others. Forgiveness is a two way street because at some point in our lives we will need others to forgive us and if we cannot extend mercy, mercy will not be extended to us.
ReplyDeleteUnforgiveness only creates anger and bitterness towards self and the ones we cannot bring ourselves to forgive. Then that same anger and bitterness build a barrier that keep the unforgiver from living life in its fullest, so release forgiveness and imprison unforgiveness so you can release you to be all you can be. God has created you to do awesome things in His world so, don't let past hurts, disspointments, disloyalty keep you back. Remember the Word of God clearly states that the Egyptians we see today we will see no more,therefore, though you will see the people who caused you to become unforgiving still you will not see their sinful acts if you let God lead you to the Rock that is higher than them and yourself. I am daring you to go seek Jesus open the BASIC INSTRUCTIONS BEFORE LEAVING EARTH (BIBLE). This will clear the way for you to begin to trust and to forgive and oh how much you will achieve. There will be no stopping you because just remember that with God nothing is impossible when you leave it in God's Hands. I hope you will enjoyor reflect the scripture below and that it will help you to embark on the road of FORGIVENESS.
Colossians 3:1213 NIV
Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord
forgave you.