Men Hate Shopping!!!

The Christmas holidays are among us and many like the anticipation of receiving gifts, preparing for the new year and making resolutions that only last 12 weeks. Children have their lists ready for Santa, parents decorate their Christmas trees and the season gives us all an excuse to be  closer to family (if that is what you are in to). Let me start by saying - I am no Scrooge - I love the holidays just as much as the next guy - BUT - there is one aspect of the Christmas season I could definitely do without - THE SHOPPING!

Now I understand that men and women are different in many ways - when it comes to the subject of shopping, these differences are very obvious and it would be a blatant lie to say that you've never noticed. Let me give you some examples of the differences  and let me know if you agree with me or not by commenting below.


The mindset of the typical Male shopper 
Now most men don't like shopping - but whether they do or don't - I have noticed that they generally approach purchasing items the same way (in steps):

1. Male sees something he likes.
2. He figures out where to get the item.
3. He inquires as to how much the said item costs.
4. He uses the information from step 2 and 3 to be in the same place as the item with enough money
5. He asks someone in the store where to find the item he is looking for (occasionally equipped with picture).
6. He obtains the item and proceeds to the check out line.
7. Pays for item and leaves location.

Now if the male needs to make several purchases at the same time - steps 2 and 3 are analyzed more closely but the thought process, mindset and execution remain the same. Get in and out as quickly as possible - ensure you acquire the item sought out and repeat until your premeditated list has been completed. Pretty straight forward, concise and gets the job done....

The mindset of the typical Female shopper
Please keep in mind that these are MY PERSONAL OBSERVATIONS - if you disagree or think I am completely off - I look forward to you sharing your comments and perspective on the subject below. First let's talk about how a female views shopping. Where the male tends to see the mall as a place to avoid on the weekends, the female apparently sees the mall not only as a place to acquire items - but also as a place for self expression, new discovery, an escape from her reality and a way of bonding with other females. The female has been known to exhibit great stamina by spending inordinate amounts of time within the confines of the mall's walls - which sometimes result in the acquisition of very few or no items at all. From a man's perspective - you can clearly see how that last statement would seem illogical right?

I want to take this opportunity to delve into the female bonding aspect of shopping. Where men bond through sports, spitting and sex talk -women can form strong bonds and alliances through shopping with each other. A female giving another female a compliment for carefully selecting items of clothing, accessories or make up is a pretty BIG deal in the female world. A woman who compliments another woman on having good taste is often considered a BEST FRIEND! Generally speaking - women don't just hand out compliments to each other - as a matter of fact, they tend to highlight each others faults and flaws (not face to face but especially when another female is getting attention from a male she likes) - but that sounds like a topic for another blog - I digress. That being said, there is a special bond that is formed when women shop together (I think it helps them determine who they can trust or should consider real friends) and it also gives them time to catch up on all the latest gossip. They tend to male bash, talk about other peoples relationships (only the ones they think are going to fail), and lets not forget who has been cheating on who.....all the "goodies." All this while telling each other how slim, pretty or elegant they look while trying on prospective new additions to their wardrobe. It seems to work for them - and if it works for them it works for me!

Another observation I have made is that women tend to have favorite stores - some have 5 some have 10 some have 100 - whatever the number - when they get to the mall, no matter what they plan on acquiring (assuming they planned on acquiring something) they HAVE TO LOOK AT THE NEW STOCK IN THEIR FAVORITE STORES!!! This I think is where the bulk of time gets lost as the female "checks in" to examine the racks upon racks of new STUFF that their store just got in. She may not have money to buy anything but in an effort to stay on top of all the deals, see the new fashion and be "with it" it is an important part of the female existence and relevance as far as impressing, fitting in or outdoing other females. YES, they do all of this for other women - why? Your guess is as good as mine guys because we typically don't care about how trendy a girl's top is or where she got those pumps. It's just one of the many things women do we just have to accept - don't attempt to figure it out - just go with this one!

As you can see the approach and mindset of a male vs. female with respects to shopping is different. What happens when they are in the situation together?

Male and Female visit the Mall together

First of all I would advise all men to avoid this situation as much as humanly possible if you want to remain in a happy and healthy relationship. Unless you have the time, stamina  and patience - STAY AWAY! Based on the differences in the way men and women shop - there are not many scenarios I can think of or that I have personally been in where both parties were enjoying the shopping experience equally. As a matter of fact - it's almost always quite the contrary - He wants to get in and out and she wants to ensure she has seen every rack in the mall (from his perspective). This is never a good situation. He starts to get tired, frustrated and wonders why she is taking so long in each store and not buying anything. From her perspective, she doesn't understand why you aren't getting into the process and having as much fun as she is. In her mind she is wondering why you are in such a rush to go home to watch the game or do something/anything else with the rest of your life!

Now based on the break down of the way males and females view shopping, I almost feel like the two should never mix! I strongly believe that women should segregate themselves from men when they are shopping for themselves and men should continue to follow their 7 step process. The situation gets ugly really quickly when you have a logical but impatient man coupled with a woman with mall stamina and shopping rack savvy. It's a recipe for disaster and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.

Men, imagine being dragged to a mall (like I was yesterday) - You don't want to be there but you feel like if you don't comply, there will be consequences a repercussions so you just go with it. You get ready, put on comfortable sneakers and make sure that your device of choice (to distract you from your reality) is fully charged - I-pad, cell phone, mobile tv - whatever you choose. No matter how you try to act like you are cool with being in the mall walking around for hours searching for random items on sale that she may or may not want or need - there comes a point where smiling and saying "I'll be waiting here, while you try that on," gets tired really quickly!

Women - why would you put your men through this torture. For me it would be less painful to tear my nails from his fingers and toes with a tweezer than having to go through what I consider the worst sort of torture men in relationships have to endure! Or do they? Ladies can we not just come to some kind of arrangement with respects to shopping? How about we provide the money, transportation and even the smile to ensure that when you visit the mall you can have a great time either by yourself or with a group of friends - Just as long as WE DON'T HAVE TO BE FRIGGIN THERE! I can't speak for all men but I can tell you this - when you women are in your "zone" and sifting through racks and searching for deals and getting up to date on all the seasons' new styles - guys that follow you on these excursions would rather jump out of a plane at 30, 000 ft without a parachute! Furthermore, they feel like suckers every time you get them between the walls of the mall. Why would you put us through that?

I would recommend that women shop either by themselves, with other like minded women, or with a man  willing to spend 9 hours at the mall looking at things you kind of like or items you may or may not buy (good luck on the last one). Another suggestion to the ladies, if you want your man to enjoy/look forward to shopping with you, utilize his strategy when seeking specific items and set the maximum amount of time you plan to stay in the mall AND let him know the plan before having him commit. Once you get him out there though - make sure you stick to your word and follow the steps. It will make the experience more pleasant for both of you and he may even start to like it (I wouldn't bet on that though). If not please prepare yourself for arguments, uncomfortable looks, and a very reluctant partner in crime when it comes to your shopping experience.

All of that being said - I wish for you all a wonderful Christmas, happy holidays and an amazingly fulfilling 2012. Drink responsibly and make sure not to impregnate anyone without planning. Until next time my friends.